Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could all live out our lives, healthy and happy, to the age of 100?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all of our loved ones could live long, healthy lives as well?  Perhaps in the future, we will have the technology to allow people to live into their hundreds with good health and quality of life.  But in the meantime, we need to be prepared.

During the last few months, our community has suffered some unexpected and painful losses.  As I met with families to help them plan funerals and work through their grief, I was struck by the vast differences in the levels of pre-planning that had taken place. 

No one wants to talk about death.  Most people do not want to face their own mortality, and they certainly do not want to think about the loss of people that they are closest to them.  But, in fact, talking about those issues when everyone is young and healthy is probably the most compassionate thing we can do for those we love.

When a loved one dies, whether there was a long, difficult illness or a sudden tragedy, the family is wracked with grief, and they need to be able to focus all their energies on the mourning process.  The more decisions that have been made ahead of time, the easier it is for the family members to deal with their loss.  While this sounds logical, it is amazing how many families have not had these discussions.  So, when the loss happens, there are questions:

Where will the burial be?  Who should be called?  Is organ donation a possibility?  Do I know where all the files are?  Is the life insurance policy/will up to date?  Is there a preference on a funeral home? 

These and hundreds of other questions arise when someone dies.  Making decisions when one is in the throes of grief, and, therefore, not necessarily thinking clearly, is challenging in and of itself.  Additionally, the mourner usually feels the responsibility of carrying out the wishes of the deceased.  If they do not know those wishes, the burden of that responsibility can weigh very heavily; and all this on top of the intense feelings of sadness and loss!

Some of the decisions are legal ones (i.e., those concerning wills) and should therefore be discussed with an attorney.  Some of the decisions have to do with Jewish rituals, and should therefore be discussed with clergy.  Many of the decisions, though, are personal, and can be discussed between family members themselves.  Although broaching the subject can be terrifying, knowing the wishes of those we love can be a great source of comfort to us.

For many of us, the summer months are a time to take a slower pace, to enjoy some family time, or in some cases, some couple time.  I urge you to take the opportunity when life is a little less hectic to talk to those you love about your feelings and your wishes should there be a loss.  As daunting as that conversation might be, the reward is in knowing that you are relieving your loved ones of added stress and responsibility, should anything happen to you.  If you would like me to help with that conversation, I am happy to be there for you and for your family.  Please do not hesitate to call on me to talk about this. 

I wish you all many years of good health.  I wish you all long and fulfilling lives.  I wish you all years of being surrounded by family and friends and people who love you and whom you love.  And whenever losses do happen, I wish you the strength and fortitude to honor the memories of your loved ones by living your lives to the fullest.

L’shalom,

Cantor Jodi Schechtman