Shabbat Shalom

As the proud Cantor of Temple Beth Am, I am pleased to make available, on-line, my thoughts which were shared with the congregation during services.

These sermons are readily available for viewing or downloading and reading at your convenience.

Cantor’s Sabbath Message
Shabbat Service
December 3, 2004

Family Love: The Ties that Bind
With excerpts from Mekor Chaim

The story of Joseph and his brothers forms a bridge between the end of the patriarchal history and the beginning of the history of a people.  It focuses on Jacob’s family: a family torn by deep conflicts and driven by parental favoritism and sibling rivalry.

Joseph’s brothers had at least three reasons to resent him:

1)       He was a tattletale

2)       In his dreams, he lorded it over his brothers

3)       His father favored him

Regarding the brothers’ perception that Jacob loved Joseph more than them, we read, “They hated him so that they could not speak a friendly word to him” (Gen. 37:4).  Hatred does that to us; it destroys communication.  Hatred can lead to wanting to kill your own brother, or to murdering innocent people with suicide bombs.  Nations ridden with hatred find it impossible to negotiate their differences in order to achieve peace.

Family conflict often stems from unwillingness to negotiate differences or to simply communicate with each other.  Communication means being honest with each other and giving clear messages.  It means being sensitive to the needs and feelings of family members.  It means no only talking , but also listening to each other actively, with full attention and with a whole heart.

The Torah uses the motif of Joseph’s clothing, especially his tunic, to weave together the events of the parasha.  When Joseph’s brothers take their revenge against him, stealing his tunic and selling him into slavery, they punish their father Jacob as well.  In an act of excessive cruelty, they present the ornamented tunic to their father dipped in the blood of a kid.  They shove it in his face, saying: “We found this.  Please examine it; is it your son’s tunic or not?” (37:32).  Just as Jacob deceived his father Isaac with the skin of a kid, so here Jacob himself is deceived with the blood of a kid.

A change in clothes represents here, as in much of folklore, a change of fortune.  When Joseph loses his “k’tonet passim” his tunic, his life changes completely.  We see it again in his encounter with Potiphar’s wife (“He left his garment in her hand, 39:12).  And yet again in next week’s parasha, when Pharaoh has Joseph dressed “in robes of fine linen “ (41:42).  Rashi hints at this phenomenon when he interprets the word “passim” as reflecting the misfortunes that Joseph experiences.  The ups and downs of Joseph’s eventful life are clearly reflected in his clothing.

Throughout his adventures, Joseph appears invulnerable.  He overcomes all hardships and emerges on top.  He is the key to the eventual reconciliation of the family.  But the Torah makes it cle4ar that he winds not only because of his remarkable talents.  While this parasha has a cliffhanger ending – Joseph is still in jail, yet to be recognized by Pharaoh – the Torah gives us a strong hint that Joseph’s clothing and fortune are about to change again by mentioning God’s role four times in four verses (39:21-23 and 40:8), the Torah reminds us that God is acting behind the scenes, and that, unlike Pharaoh’s chief cupbearer in 40:23, God has not forgotten Jacob’s favorite son.

This amazing story of Joseph takes up more parashiot than any other story in the book of Genesis.  This week’s parasha is Act 1 of the story.  Next week, in Miketz, we learn of Joseph’s talents as a dream interpreter and how, through the interpretation of Pharaoh’s dreams, he helped the Egyptians prepare adequately for the famine.

And the climax of the story happens in the third act, Vayigash, when the brothers, plagued by the famine in Canaan, came to Egypt for grain.  When the brothers approached Joseph, who had earned an important position in Pharaoh’s court, they did not recognize him, but he certainly recognized them, and he began to test their character.

When the brothers tearfully pleaded for their brother Benjamin because leaving him would be unbearable for their father Jacob who had already suffered so much, Joseph realized that they sorrowfully regretted what they had done.  After all that Joseph’s brothers did to him, the love he had for them was still stronger than all the dreadful things they did.

This love for family is eloquently narrated in the story of Joseph.  Tonight, as we partook in the aufruf of Rhonda and David, we celebrated another kind of love: the romantic love that binds two people and their families together.  And those of us who are parents understand a third kind of love: the love for our children which sometimes makes our hearts swell as if they are going to leap from our chests.

But it is perhaps the children themselves that have the purest definition of love. Recently, a group of psychologists posed this question to a group of children aged 4-8.  They asked, “What does love mean?”

Here are some of their answers:

When my grandma got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So my grandpa does it for her now all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too.  That’s love.  Rebecca, age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.  You just know that your name is safe in their mouths. Billy, age 4

Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.  Kari, age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.  Chrissy, age 6

Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.  Terri, age 4

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure it tastes ok.  Danny, age 7

Love is when you kiss all the time.  Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.  My mommy and daddy are like that.  They look gross when they kiss.  Emily, age 8

If you want to love better, start with a friend who you hate. Nikka, age 6

Love is when you tell a guy that you like his shirt, and then he wears it every day.  Noelle, age 7

Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.  Tommy, age 6

During my piano recital, I was on stage and I was scared.  I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.  He was the only one doing that.  I wasn’t scared anymore.  Cindy, age 8

My mommy loves me more than anybody.  You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.  Clare, age 6

Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine, age 5

Love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.  Chris, age 7

Love is when your puppy licks your face, even after you left him alone all day.  Mary Ann, age 4

When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.  Karen, age 7

Love is when mommy sees daddy on the toilet and doesn’t think it’s gross.  Mark, age 6

You really shouldn’t say I love you unless you mean it.  But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.  People forget.  Jessica, age 8

And my very favorite:

A 4 year old child whose next store neighbor was an elderly man who had just lost his wife, saw the man cry and climbed into his lap and sat there.  When the boy’s mother asked him what he said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

Amen.

Cantor Jodi Schechtman